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| Try forgiving |
So i have been brushing aside this topic for at least a month now and the reason is very simple; "Do as i say and not as i do" that is a very popular saying and i try as hard as i can to avoid being in that situation, so it became a struggle when it was dropped in my heart to write about forgiveness; i battled with writing this since the topic has been revealed to me, and the reason is simple, i am guilty of this just like anybody else reading this right now. "FORGIVENESS" that very sacred word that we all say casually; "I do NOT have anything against her, i just do NOT want to have anything to do with her anything", "I have forgiven him but it is hard to relate with him again", "I just don't want to be seen with them again" does those words ring a bell in our ears or even, "I have forgiven him, i just cannot forget what they did", all these are words of unforgiveness... there I said (lol, guilty as much).
I say it to you today that regardless of what the other party is doing, have done, or will do to you, they deserve your genuine forgiveness with emphasis on genuine. For years, i found out so hard to forgive a very important figure in my life, well, truth is i am still a work in progress, consciously and constantly working towards making peace between us everyday; and i lived in the lie that i had nothing against him and i had moved passed all the hurt and pain that he caused me, when i say i lived in a lie, i meant, i made myself believe that i was comfortable relating to him like i should or like i believe that i should, but deep down inside, i was still hurting and hating at him for everything that he did to me. Growing up, i built a defense mechanism that not only failed but also affected me in several ways and that is a topic for another day, and i grew up resenting him even more for every time that i try to relate with him on a father to daughter level; there you got it, this figure is my father.
When i say for years, i mean for a very long time, this individual never existed in my life or in my business; and i would only relate to him when i have to not because i wanted to, and i never missed him; and all this time, i had successfully convinced myself that i have forgiven him, i have nothing against him and the rest, but deep down inside my heart, i never resolved the hurt and the pain that i went through. Fast forward to last year, in the midst of all the things that i went through last year, the comforter of man told me that i had not forgiven him and you know at this point, i had started to defend myself and claim that i have nothing against him, long story short, i was given many instances that proved my not forgiving him and from that point, i had to constantly pray to God to help me heal and help me forgive him wholeheartedly.
What i am trying to say in essence is that when we go through hurt and pain, it is not easy to forgive and let go, especially if that person is so dare to us but the truth is that forgiveness is not for the other party, it is for yourself, think of it like this... "If you are holding someone to ransom or in bondage, for the purpose of them not escaping or moving from the spot you hold them in, you also cannot move forward or away from that spot". So not only are you holding them down, you are also holding yourself in hostage.
So my 50 cent this morning is, is there anyone you hold in your heart and it is HARD to let go, i understand how you feel, but to be free yourself, you need to go to God to help you release them, not for their sake but for your sake. Let it go and God will help us
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